Sacagawea Shapiro

I have this friend who's one of the funniest people I know. Here's an example: We were visiting at The Eola Hotel one night and she's talking about this guy she knows.

Rachel: Well, you know, he's, like, really cool. He's a marine or navy seal or something and he actually killed Saddam Hussein's accountant.

Me:

Rachel:

Me: He killed who?

Rachel: Saddam Hussein's accountant.

Julie the Bartender: What was he doing? Crunching the numbers or something?

Me: I mean, yeah. How dangerous can an accountant be? Did he take away his calculator or something?

Rachel: Well, I dunno. But he was SADAM HUSSEIN'S accountant... 

Me:

Rachel...And I feel really bad about shooting him (the guy who shot Saddam Hussein's accountant) that one time.

Tommy: You SHOT him??

Me: You SHOT him? Where??

Rachel: In the back Forty. The pasture.

Me:

Rachel: Well, we were bird hunting and there was this low-flying bird just over a hill.

Tommy: You mean you Dick Cheney'd him?

Rachel: Yeah.

The whole night was like that. She's part Indian and part jewish. I mean, she could be a jewish Indian princess. We decided she should do a standup routine and call herself Sacagawea Shapiro.